I PAINT ALMOST STRAIGHT LINES

Everyone wants straight lines, but straight lines are hard to come by in my little paint world. Lining sticks tend to goop up, as well as rulers. We do apply the 15 foot rule, so most of the time my lines tend to straighten out. Following snapped chalk lines helps, but does not solve the problem entirely.

Straight lines are an almost purely man-made device. Only humans seek to put everything in a perfectly straight line. Nature seems to feel that pretty straight or almost straight is darn close enough! Trees don't grow perfectly straight, the curve of the horizon even curves!

Understandably, designers desire to emulate human life, so the straight line is a necessity. But my current designer has to be special! He must have straight lines on a curvy "tassle." Yes I am painting something smooth and semi-shiny to look like a massive tassle that will hang 25 feet in the air. And these straight curvy lines crisscross over this lovely curved surface. They also must all have highlights and shadows, so these are multiple straight parallel lines running diagonally across a curved surface. Anyone care to try. Oh yeah - you only have about 2 hours to do it! GO!

Remember the time when sue isn't good at pretty? She can do old, she can do ugly, she can do distressed, she can do weathered. Pretty really isn't her thing. 

And neither are straight lines.